There is no kitty in the house any more. I’m having a hard time getting my mind around that. It’s the first time in 21 years that there hasn’t been at least one kitty in my house. Until now, after I lost one, there were others. When I lost Sister, I had Jett and Gobi for comfort. When I lost Jett, I had Gobi, Stormie, and Jaks for comfort. When I lost Gobi, I had Stormie and Jaks for comfort. When I lost my baby girl, I still had Jaks for comfort, but this time I had to come home to an empty house. A house full of booby traps. The first thing that hit me when I came in the door was the sound of the pet fountain.
I knew yesterday that today would be the fat(cat)boy’s last day, but I let everything be perfectly normal until I got the cat carrier out. I didn’t take up his dish, or turn off the pet fountain. So of course the first sound I heard when I walked in the door was that pet fountain. The kitties loved it. It’s ceramic, it can be put in the dish washer, it has charcoal and foam filters and runs off an aquarium pump. I think I’m going to put it up on the counter and let it run for a while; otherwise I think the silence would be unbearable.
I went into the back bedroom to change, saw the bed, and saw his towel, which was his sleeping place. I would have stripped the bed and done laundry today anyway, and I’ll do it in a while only not just now. There were kitty toys on the floor. I had to sit down for a moment. At some point I’m going to have to go around with a flashlight and a getter-outerer of some kind and fish all the kitty toys out from under the furniture. Only just not today. I’m going to have to clean up and dispose of his poop box, but that can wait until tomorrow. I need to gather up the container of unused litter, and the bag of food and treats I bought him just this Monday and take them to the Humane Society. I’ve got some other errands to run Monday, and that will be one more errand on the list.
I went to get a glass of tea, and there was the bag of treats in the refrigerator. I’d given him some last night. I always kept the opened bags in the refrigerator. He did love his treats. When I went anywhere that I had to be gone a while, I would pour about 15 into my hand and toss them up in the air in my bedroom for them to scatter all over the carpet for him to hunt.
He evidently had a hard time being in the pet hotel this last time, and even bit the little girl trying to get him out of his room and into the carrier, which he had never done before. I had to go stand on a stool and get him down from the highest perch and put him in the carrier. He was more clingy than he had ever been once I brought him home. He followed me about from room to room. He would walk me to the front door when I left to go out and he would hear the garage door, and me opening the front door and be waiting for me in the living room when I came back. It’s almost as if he knew his days with me were numbered.
It’s going to hurt like hell for a while, but life will go on. Already is going on. I started a baby hat yesterday afternoon and sat knitting it in the living room with the fat(cat)boy on the footstool beside my feet. Finished it late last night. Just finished making a pompom for it and weaving in the ends. I’m going to cast on for a man cowl for my cousin and knit a little bit on it, then get up and round up all the Humane Society donatables and put them in the car. Then I’ll shower and wash my hair, strip the bed and start a load of washing. I need to finish a baby bonnet that goes with a baby dress and I need to get it done before Monday. I have to follow a pattern line by line for that, and that will keep my mind occupied. When I’ve finished the bonnet, I’ve got chemo hats to work on.
I’ll survive. I’ll take it one step at a time, one task at a time, one day at a time.
3 thoughts on “Hats and Cowls and Booby Traps”
And when one day at a time is tough, one hour at a time works, too. It’s amazing how much this sounds like my first days after Mom was gone. There’s a sense of unreality, but I think your “booby-traps” description is perfect. You never know when you’ll run into one, or what will cause it to snap.
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I was quite shocked on encountering this and your last post. They re-awoke the hurt of my own losses of feline companions and I sympathise utterly and painfully with you.
This brings back memories… the sudden silence, the toys scattered around the house, the one lost whisker found on the floor…
Jaks reminds me of my old family cat, Felek. A handsome black guy we found starving in the park as a kitten. He also became clingy in his final months – he followed me around the house whenever I visited my parents and slept next to me. He’d never done it before!
I think they know when the end is near. They offer us their companion before their time comes. And then we are left with this silence and pain…
My heart goes out to you.